Lasting Change

Today is the last day of the 21 day fast that I told you about.  There has been no set structure to it except for whatever restrictions people have put upon themselves and any new disciplines they have chosen to follow (ie, prayer, scripture reading, silence or all out praise and worship.)  Despite the perceived lack of structure, there has been a great moving of God in my life.  This last year has been a year of change for me.  I have started therapy, I have pressed into God, removed sin and temptation from my life (to the best of my ability) and I have completely changed my eating habits.  That is only a short list of things, but those are some BIG things! (Oh, there is also a distinct change in how much hockey I have been watching, but that is not entirely by choice.)  

These things are bigger than they may seem.  When we look at something from a distance it does not seem very big until we are right in front of it, right inside of it.  When I got rid of wheat from my diet I had days where I was so proud of myself for having “made it” with this change.  Then the next day I would crave bread and I would almost be in tears with the thought of never tasting freshly made bread again.  (Sad, but true.)  It is so very true that you don’t really know what you’ve got until it is gone.  Seriously, have you considered all the things that I no longer eat? Goldfish crackers, croissants, pie, cake, soda crackers, bagels, bread, cookies, triscuits, biscuits, scones, graham crackers, donuts, cream puffs, and the list goes on.  If you add that onto my list of things that I have changed then the list gets much longer, you see.  This is not even including the fact that I am vegan (no meat, no eggs, and no animal milk.) 

The question is then raised, why would anyone in their right mind choose to do something like this?  All of those things just Taste So Good!  Yes, I know they taste good, but when it all comes down to it, food is fuel, and what we put in our bodies is directly proportionate to what our bodies become.  Since changing my eating habits (I hate when people say that I am on a diet) I have lost 20 pounds and I have noticed such benefits as healthier hair, better complexion, stronger nails, more efficient digestion, higher energy levels and not getting sick nearly as often or as severely.   These benefits far outweigh the fleeting pleasure that comes from eating tasty food.

The other things on that list are that I started therapy and that I have been pressing into God more/removing negative things from my life.  I feel like the pressing into God part is directly related to the removal of bad things, as well as the fact that I am actually in therapy.  The reason I am in therapy is because I have some very deep seeded issues that, when I even think about thinking about them, bring on all sorts of deep, dark feelings.  I have survived through various forms of hell on earth (that sounds drastic, but any evil we must endure is from hell, so I don’t see it as an over embellishment.) and going back to those memories feels like I am willingly bringing evil back into my life.  Because of this, I have done a lot of “stuffing” my feelings, as they say in therapy.  The direct result of that is that I do not have to deal with the feelings when they come up.  I am then “free” to go about my life as I please, which, in this case, is as a generally happy person who sees the good in just about everything.  The indirect result is that I am now in therapy over ten years later, putting my life on hold to deal with these things so that I can move on as a more complete person.

What I want to talk about here is lasting change.  We can make all the changes we want our lives, but how often do those changes stick?  I have heard of people who “used to be vegetarian” but they are not anymore.  I wonder what made them change their minds.   If I was looking at myself, I know it would be because of my attitude.  If I just gave up the first time I was tempted and slipped, then I would never make a lasting change in my life.  Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is that idea of being easier on myself when it comes to the areas of my life where I feel like I should be hard on myself.  Those things that I “should” be or do.  If I allow them to, they consume me.  I strive after them so hard that when I fall on my face I can barely look at myself in the mirror without being overwhelmed with how much I suck.  These things can be little things like eating something that doesn’t fall into my wheat-free, vegan lifestyle, or big things like sin.  I have noticed a drastic change in the last few weeks about how I view myself.  This fast may seem, on the outside, to only have been about cutting things out of my life etc, but it is so much more than that.  It has been about pressing into God.  What I have been asking God is how He sees me.  No, that is what He has been telling me.  There have been different little things that, had I not been focussing on God, I may not have even noticed.  Truths that I have spoken to other people, words that I have heard in a song, or something that a friend has told me in honesty.  

There was a girl that I met a few weeks ago who said that she had just recently become a Christian and she felt bad because of all the times when she failed at being a good Christian.  I didn’t even know her, but I just saw this image of how God saw her.  I told her that she needed to stop fretting over all the times when she fell because the way God sees it is that He had been watching her wandering around for her whole life until now, not acknowledging Him at all and now she was looking at Him.  Her face was turned up to Him and He was so delighted in that.  He had been waiting patiently for her to turn her face to Him, so much so that when she did, all He saw was the beauty in her face.  She had been washed clean by the blood of Jesus and all of the stains and dirt that she saw on herself, God didn’t even see them.  He just saw her beautiful eyes looking up at Him. Finally.  

Our God is patient, people.  We need to start seeing ourselves as HE sees us.  If you are a Christian, then this means many things about you.  You are forgiven.  You are accepted.  You are a child of the most high God.  You are redeemed.  You have been chosen.  You are so loved.  You are a precious jewel.  You are a new creation.  You have been adopted.  You have been set free.  

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed! John 8:36

I feel like there are a few key elements when it comes to making lasting changes in our lives.  First off, make good changes, not bad ones.  That should be obvious.  Second off, make changes for the right reasons.  Third, make sure you have the right attitude about things.  Fourth, declare the truth of God throughout.  

I have already declared some truths of God over you, but allow me to share one last thing about attitude.  When I was at Bible study this week one of the girls said that the way that she makes lasting change in her life is to be thankful.  She then said that even when she is not thankful she starts listing things for which she is thankful.  In doing this, her attitude changed.  I was completely inspired by this.  A year ago I would have thought that this was a load of dung, but having gone through cognitive behavioural therapy and seen that it works, I believe this now.  She said that someone inspired her to write out a list of 1000 for which she is thankful.  At first I was like, “Wow that is a lot.” Then I thought about how God blesses us so lavishly and when we stop to think about these things, eventually 1000 will be too small of a number.  It made me think of what has been a very popular song in Christian circles these last few months.  It talks about blessing God and it says later in the song, “For all your goodness I will keep on singing, ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.”  I was inspired by this in combination of what my friend said she is doing.  I have started to write down a list of things for which I am thankful.  I currently have 200 things on this list and I just started it a day and a half ago.  

  

Number 194 on my list is “I am thankful for everyone who reads my blog.” 

...preceded by, 193 “I am thankful that the doctors finally found out what is wrong with my mom’s heart.” 

...and followed by 195 “I am thankful for lint rollers.”

Thanks for “listening.”