Today is a quiet day. My roommate is not home and I do not have to work, so it is just me and the cats. I have therapy to get to in a few hours, and I have a bunch of things to organize in my room, but I am going to take advantage of this present quiet and DO all the other stuff later.
I have been in therapy for seven months now and I am learning very practical things. Things like do not worry, and be present. There have been comments from other group members that these skills are not taught in everyday life and that they should be taught in high school so that people are really prepared for real life when they graduate. I have come to realize that for everything in this world that we should know in terms of practical life skills, the Bible has a word on it. For example, do not worry, and be present. Here are two verses / passages that speak specifically to these two ideas:
“ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” 28 “And "why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:25-34
I have been in therapy for seven months now and I am learning very practical things. Things like do not worry, and be present. There have been comments from other group members that these skills are not taught in everyday life and that they should be taught in high school so that people are really prepared for real life when they graduate. I have come to realize that for everything in this world that we should know in terms of practical life skills, the Bible has a word on it. For example, do not worry, and be present. Here are two verses / passages that speak specifically to these two ideas:
“ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” 28 “And "why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:25-34
“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
Psalm 46
the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
Psalm 46
Something that I have been learning lately (and by learning, I mean it has been impressed on me but I have not yet perfected it) is the value of being still and being content right where I am in every set of circumstances. One way I have always practiced this is to embrace different physical feelings. When I am walking outside and I feel cold, I am tempted to concentrate on how much I resent being cold. Instead, I think of how being cold right now is something I will be longing for six months from now when it is scorching hot out. I feel the cold on my skin. I feel the goose bumps rise. I feel alive. I feel thankful. It is a simple practice, but it keeps me mindful and helps me to be thankful for everything in its time.
Here is a deeper example, I could feel sad right now because I am alone, but I am choosing to enjoy the quiet. Later on I could feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do and the people who will be around me, and I will then focus on the fact that I am glad to not be alone. I will focus on the people right in front of me, the conversations taking place, the surroundings. This is what they call, in therapy, being present. To learn this concept it needs to be repeatedly encouraged and practiced. This is part of cognitive behavioural therapy. Our thoughts, our actions and our feelings are all linked. We think we feel sad because we are alone but the truth is we are forgetting about the thought process. In reality, we are sad because we are thinking about the fact that we are alone.
Negative self thoughts are so very prevalent in our world. The only way to change these thought patterns (and their ensuing feelings and actions) is to change the thought pattern. Now, when I first started this cognitive behavioural therapy stuff I was highly skeptical. I went into it thinking that I am too smart to fall for some mind trick, and I can’t change my thoughts. That right there is negative self talk – the use of the phrase “I can’t.” When I was a few weeks in, our therapist did this exercise with us where we all just said together, out loud “I can’t do this!” She then asked us how we all felt. There were replies such as, hopeless, sad and depressed. She then asked us all to say together, out loud, “I can do this!” It was amazing the difference I felt inside of me. It was not just me who felt it either. Around the room there were faces with smiles on them, some even trying to hold back an excited giggle. She again asked us how we felt and the replies were words like, positive, happy, and empowered.
Gradually I have seen improvement in myself overall. At first it was overwhelming when I kept catching myself having negative self talk in so many areas of my life. The thoughts were not just “I can’t” thoughts, but thoughts of fear. I was constantly afraid of what might happen. As I said in my last post, I was abused as a teenager, so for me, my biggest fear has always been to be abused, raped or attacked again. I would park my car in my parking spot at night and before I even opened the door my thoughts would start racing, as would my heart rate. As I walked to the front door I would sometimes feel so panicked and dizzy that it was all I could do not to scream and run to the door crying. I am not going to say to you that I am no longer afraid of these same things. I am. They terrify me. The difference now is my self talk. I walk from my car focusing on my breathing and saying to myself, “I am going to be fine. Nobody is going to hurt me. God is protecting me.”
You may be like me and be thinking even right now, “But what if something DOES happen? You are not okay then are you?” That is another type of thought that needs to be battled – the “what if?” thought. I have so many what ifs in my life I can’t even explain it to you. So, for argument’s sake, let’s ask the question “what if?” Another one of the lessons that we learned in therapy is how to battle against the “what if?” thought. The idea is to take the question and RUN with it. Go all out. Go to absolute extremes to the point where the possibility of that outcome seems so ridiculous that you nearly laugh it off because it is simply preposterous. So now that it seems so ridiculous the mind starts to think “that probably will not happen” as opposed to “what if that does happen?” When this change occurs, everything shifts. The fight, flight or freeze mechanisms turn off and the anxiety levels go back to normal. The heart rate slows down and a sense of peace is restored to body, mind and soul.
I’ll play devil’s advocate once again. What if it still DOES happen? What if the bad thing that is so highly improbable really does take place? Alright, the question then is, “Will I survive this?” What I have learned in therapy about anxiety is that anxiety is the propensity to think that bad things are going to happen and that when they do, I will not be able to cope. So think with me for a moment about all bad, awful, horrible things have happened in your life. They threatened to tear you right apart. They turned you into a weeping ball of tears incapable of forming complete sentences. But you are here, are you not? I mean, you ARE reading this, so the answer to that question is, undoubtedly, yes. I will survive.
Here is something I did not mention in my last post. My mother is not well physically. She has a weak heart and the doctors cannot seem to figure out either what is causing this or how to remedy it. Just over two years ago, my Oma (my mom’s mom) passed away from heart failure. Heart disease runs rampant in my family, and it is a legitimate cause for concern. When I have my dark moments thinking about my mom (I have to fight them every time she goes to the hospital) I start thinking about the family history, and I start thinking about my friend who very recently also died of heart failure. I think of all the people I have lost and my heart feels so very heavy. I think about the awful idea of life without my mother. Sometimes it is staggering.
Just over a month ago when I was in therapy I shared a thought with the group. We had been talking about the “what if?” question and I had apparently already jumped ahead to the next week’s lesson of blowing it out of proportion and asking “would I survive?” I told the group about my mom and how sometimes it broke me inside so much that I had to snap myself out of it. I told them that I decided to face the question head on. What if my mom dies? I allowed myself to think about funeral arrangements, having to tell other family members, having to answer question after question for goodness knows how long. Then I thought about my life after the funeral. How I would not have one of my best friends around anymore. I thought of her smile. I thought of all the fun things we have done together. I thought of all the tears we had cried together. I would miss her deeply.
Then I thought of the serious question: would I survive? The only answer I could come up with was, inevitably, yes. I may not enjoy the survival at first, but eventually I would be okay. I would move on. I would never live a single day without missing my mom, but I would carry on. I would hate it some days, but I would do it because of my own will to survive. I would do it because there is something more prevalent in my family than heart disease, and that is the presence of God. I would do it because Jesus came to give us life and life to the full. Who am I to waste that gift? So I would likely go feed the ducks, cuddle with my cats, go to church, sing a lot, make lots of good food and of course, I would cry.
The beautiful thing is that I never have to cry alone if I don’t want to. When I think about life without my mom, I tend to think automatically that she is the first person to whom I run when I really NEED someone. When I am broken down and at my wits end, I call her and she is there. She knows me inside and out, and she knows just what I need. She knows all the stuff I have been through. She saw me walk through it and she knows me as more than just someone who is strong because of all of it (like some people who hear my story and only see the strength that I exude outwardly.) The difference between my mom and all my other friends is that my other friends hear about my story when I am composed enough to tell them about it. My mom is the one who has consistently walked with me throughout my story. I will be forever grateful for her in my life, no matter how long or short of a time I am blessed to have her here.
But when that day comes whether it be next week or when she is 99 years old, I will survive. I will know the love of God in my life, and I will surround myself with all of the good things that this world has to offer. In the midst of a world where hurricanes and earthquakes prevail and death and destruction run rampant, God is still God. He does not change. Because of that, I will survive.
The question then is, what if we experience a natural disaster or a car accident and we do die? Well the answer to that then is Hallelujah! Hallelujah! We are going to see the king!
Thanks for “listening.”
Here is a deeper example, I could feel sad right now because I am alone, but I am choosing to enjoy the quiet. Later on I could feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do and the people who will be around me, and I will then focus on the fact that I am glad to not be alone. I will focus on the people right in front of me, the conversations taking place, the surroundings. This is what they call, in therapy, being present. To learn this concept it needs to be repeatedly encouraged and practiced. This is part of cognitive behavioural therapy. Our thoughts, our actions and our feelings are all linked. We think we feel sad because we are alone but the truth is we are forgetting about the thought process. In reality, we are sad because we are thinking about the fact that we are alone.
Negative self thoughts are so very prevalent in our world. The only way to change these thought patterns (and their ensuing feelings and actions) is to change the thought pattern. Now, when I first started this cognitive behavioural therapy stuff I was highly skeptical. I went into it thinking that I am too smart to fall for some mind trick, and I can’t change my thoughts. That right there is negative self talk – the use of the phrase “I can’t.” When I was a few weeks in, our therapist did this exercise with us where we all just said together, out loud “I can’t do this!” She then asked us how we all felt. There were replies such as, hopeless, sad and depressed. She then asked us all to say together, out loud, “I can do this!” It was amazing the difference I felt inside of me. It was not just me who felt it either. Around the room there were faces with smiles on them, some even trying to hold back an excited giggle. She again asked us how we felt and the replies were words like, positive, happy, and empowered.
Gradually I have seen improvement in myself overall. At first it was overwhelming when I kept catching myself having negative self talk in so many areas of my life. The thoughts were not just “I can’t” thoughts, but thoughts of fear. I was constantly afraid of what might happen. As I said in my last post, I was abused as a teenager, so for me, my biggest fear has always been to be abused, raped or attacked again. I would park my car in my parking spot at night and before I even opened the door my thoughts would start racing, as would my heart rate. As I walked to the front door I would sometimes feel so panicked and dizzy that it was all I could do not to scream and run to the door crying. I am not going to say to you that I am no longer afraid of these same things. I am. They terrify me. The difference now is my self talk. I walk from my car focusing on my breathing and saying to myself, “I am going to be fine. Nobody is going to hurt me. God is protecting me.”
You may be like me and be thinking even right now, “But what if something DOES happen? You are not okay then are you?” That is another type of thought that needs to be battled – the “what if?” thought. I have so many what ifs in my life I can’t even explain it to you. So, for argument’s sake, let’s ask the question “what if?” Another one of the lessons that we learned in therapy is how to battle against the “what if?” thought. The idea is to take the question and RUN with it. Go all out. Go to absolute extremes to the point where the possibility of that outcome seems so ridiculous that you nearly laugh it off because it is simply preposterous. So now that it seems so ridiculous the mind starts to think “that probably will not happen” as opposed to “what if that does happen?” When this change occurs, everything shifts. The fight, flight or freeze mechanisms turn off and the anxiety levels go back to normal. The heart rate slows down and a sense of peace is restored to body, mind and soul.
I’ll play devil’s advocate once again. What if it still DOES happen? What if the bad thing that is so highly improbable really does take place? Alright, the question then is, “Will I survive this?” What I have learned in therapy about anxiety is that anxiety is the propensity to think that bad things are going to happen and that when they do, I will not be able to cope. So think with me for a moment about all bad, awful, horrible things have happened in your life. They threatened to tear you right apart. They turned you into a weeping ball of tears incapable of forming complete sentences. But you are here, are you not? I mean, you ARE reading this, so the answer to that question is, undoubtedly, yes. I will survive.
Here is something I did not mention in my last post. My mother is not well physically. She has a weak heart and the doctors cannot seem to figure out either what is causing this or how to remedy it. Just over two years ago, my Oma (my mom’s mom) passed away from heart failure. Heart disease runs rampant in my family, and it is a legitimate cause for concern. When I have my dark moments thinking about my mom (I have to fight them every time she goes to the hospital) I start thinking about the family history, and I start thinking about my friend who very recently also died of heart failure. I think of all the people I have lost and my heart feels so very heavy. I think about the awful idea of life without my mother. Sometimes it is staggering.
Just over a month ago when I was in therapy I shared a thought with the group. We had been talking about the “what if?” question and I had apparently already jumped ahead to the next week’s lesson of blowing it out of proportion and asking “would I survive?” I told the group about my mom and how sometimes it broke me inside so much that I had to snap myself out of it. I told them that I decided to face the question head on. What if my mom dies? I allowed myself to think about funeral arrangements, having to tell other family members, having to answer question after question for goodness knows how long. Then I thought about my life after the funeral. How I would not have one of my best friends around anymore. I thought of her smile. I thought of all the fun things we have done together. I thought of all the tears we had cried together. I would miss her deeply.
Then I thought of the serious question: would I survive? The only answer I could come up with was, inevitably, yes. I may not enjoy the survival at first, but eventually I would be okay. I would move on. I would never live a single day without missing my mom, but I would carry on. I would hate it some days, but I would do it because of my own will to survive. I would do it because there is something more prevalent in my family than heart disease, and that is the presence of God. I would do it because Jesus came to give us life and life to the full. Who am I to waste that gift? So I would likely go feed the ducks, cuddle with my cats, go to church, sing a lot, make lots of good food and of course, I would cry.
The beautiful thing is that I never have to cry alone if I don’t want to. When I think about life without my mom, I tend to think automatically that she is the first person to whom I run when I really NEED someone. When I am broken down and at my wits end, I call her and she is there. She knows me inside and out, and she knows just what I need. She knows all the stuff I have been through. She saw me walk through it and she knows me as more than just someone who is strong because of all of it (like some people who hear my story and only see the strength that I exude outwardly.) The difference between my mom and all my other friends is that my other friends hear about my story when I am composed enough to tell them about it. My mom is the one who has consistently walked with me throughout my story. I will be forever grateful for her in my life, no matter how long or short of a time I am blessed to have her here.
But when that day comes whether it be next week or when she is 99 years old, I will survive. I will know the love of God in my life, and I will surround myself with all of the good things that this world has to offer. In the midst of a world where hurricanes and earthquakes prevail and death and destruction run rampant, God is still God. He does not change. Because of that, I will survive.
The question then is, what if we experience a natural disaster or a car accident and we do die? Well the answer to that then is Hallelujah! Hallelujah! We are going to see the king!
Thanks for “listening.”
