I
have said it before – I don't like hashtags. I would say it
again, but they are starting to grow on me. Not in
the “#Ilovemy #fiance who #tookmefordinner in #whiterock where
we #watchedthesunset #lovehim #thisislove #love #lucky #fiance #whiterock #dinner #romantic”
kind of way, because that is just bad grammar and it bugs me … but
I like them in the sense that, when used properly, they allow certain
issues (like #ItGetsBetter)
to draw the attention they deserve.
The
newest hashtag that I have come across that I deem worth following is
the #YesAllWomen one.
It stems off the #NotAllMen one.
My
understanding, from what I've been able to find on these hashtags, is
that someone posted something saying that #NotAllMen are
molesters, sexual predetors, abusers, misogynists etc. The rebuttal,
or response, was that even though #NotAllMen are
like that, #YesAllWomen have to deal with the ones who ARE like that.
For
example, a friend of mine, ShantiniKlaassen wrote
in her blog a list of reasons why #YesAllWomen have to deal with
these issues, and it was solely based upon her own experiences. At
first I felt as though I could write my own list and that it would be
difficult, emotionally, to do so because it would bring up past hurt
and resentment.
I've
decided to face it and write my list anyway. The fact that I felt
ashamed of my list is a reason why I should write it at all. I
shouldn't be ashamed of being a woman, nor should I be ashamed of the
things which I have had to endure for being a woman.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I was little I wanted to be just like my big brother and when I
started to act like him and dress like him, I got made fun of.
#YesAllWomen Because
I have constantly been referred to as a “tomboy” for dressing in
comfortable or athletic clothing.
#YesAllWomen Because
in grade six, I bought my first pair of “girly” pants and got ogled
by every boy in my class.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I was only 13 years old I got sexually and physically abused by
my neighbour almost every day for over a year.
#YesAllWomen Because
nobody knew what I was going through because I was afraid of what
might happen if they found out.
#YesAllWomen Because
I still feel like a statistic when anyone finds out about the abuse I
endured. The stigma is unavoidable.
#YesAllWomen Because
when the sexual abuse started, I stopped wearing “girly” clothes
because I didn't want anyone to see my body and think it was okay to
touch it because they liked how it looked.
#YesAllWomen Because
I started dating behind my parents' backs before I was supposed to
because I needed to prove to myself that #NotAllMen are
like “him.”
#YesAllWomen Because
when I was 16 years old, I was crying in my bed, talking to my mother
and I told her my theory - “All men are pigs until proven
otherwise” and she told me that this was no way to think. I
understand how that seems bad on my part because #NotAllMen are
pigs... but I was going on the assumption that the world was an
unsafe place for me as a female and I needed to be wary of men as a
whole until each one proved to me to be trustworthy.
#YesAllWomen Because
from the time I was 16 until I was in my mid twenties, I rarely went
longer than a few months being single because I found it hard to be
okay with who I was (and who the world saw me to be) without having a
man at my side.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I lost my virginity at age 19, it was not by choice.
#YesAllWomen Because
when the rapist I was dating broke up with me, he said that he never
loved me and was using me for sex and to clean his house and do his
laundry.
#YesAllWomen Because
I did all of those things so that he wouldn't leave me.
#YesAllWomen Because
I feel like I can't play sports with a group of guys without my
husband playing alongside me. Like I need “permission” to be
there.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I went to say hello to a guy at my church a few years
ago, he followed it up with a Facebook message telling me not to give
the wrong impression to guys, and then gave me a list of suitable
females to befriend.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I had my first job my boss made my female coworker and I scrub the
floors so he could stare at our asses.
#YesAllWomen Because
in high school I did a strongman competition in the women's open
class (women of every size and weight) while the guys got to be
distributed into 4 weight classes, making the competition more fair.
I ended up doing a tug-o-war for third place against a girl twice my
weight.
#YesAllWomen Because
I felt ashamed of myself when I lost to her even though I did my best
and was clearly disadvantaged.
#YesAllWomen Because
I feel like I should use a pseudonym when I publish my book so that
people take it seriously, not as written by a woman.
#YesAllWomen Because
I used to be anorexic. And like a recovering alcoholic, I may
not be in the depths of it anymore, but it doesn't take much to get
back into that cycle. I have to be diligent every day to avoid
falling into a full on battle.
#YesAllWomen Because
my dad used to call me “slim” as a little girl. Then one day he
asked me what I'd do if I got fat. I told him “Daddy, I'd kill
myself.” I was 9 years old.
#YesAllWomen Because
my dad called me “Mr. Girly Man” when I showed up for a coffee
date with him once wearing workout shorts and shirt that showed my
muscular arms and legs.
#YesAllWomen Because
every time I see my dad now, I feel like I have to dress up so that
he thinks I am pretty and consequently says nice things about my
appearance, or just nothing negative.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I got married I got up before 5:00am every morning for two weeks
to make a hot breakfast for my husband and to pack his lunch. I'd
make him dinner every night as well. I wrote little notes to put in
his lunch kit. After two weeks of this I got sick (like, actually physically came down with something) and as I lay in bed
that morning I cried because I felt like I'd failed him as his wife.
#YesAllWomen Because
I can't go through the lineup at Superstore without distracting my
husband so he doesn't see the scantily clad women on the magazine
covers.
#YesAllWomen Because
I'm afraid if he sees them in all their falsified perfection, I won't appeal to him at all.
#YesAllWomen Because
every day I feel a battle for what I should wear – should I dress
nice and feel “pretty” and good about myself? ... Or should I
cover up and hide my beauty so that I don't get ogled or potentially
raped if I walk down the street alone?
#YesAllWomen Because
like my friend Shantini, I too walk from my car to my apartment with
my keys between my fingers like they taught me in grade two to
protect myself against any potential attackers.
#YesAllWomen Because
in grade two, they taught all the girls my age to aim between the
legs if someone attacks you.
#YesAllWomen Because
growing up I suffered from major gender identity issues. I acted like
a boy in so many ways, but the world expected me to be a girl.
#YesAllWomen Because
from a very young age I wished that there was no such thing as gender
because I saw how they separated us according to it. Boys vs Girls.
No girls allowed etc. They forced us into molds based on
preconceived notions of what it meant to be male or female.
#YesAllWomen Because
I switched gyms due to the fact that the one closest to my house has
a women's only section that didn't have the free weights I wanted to
use... if I went to the “guys” side which was supposed to be for
everyone, I got weird looks, being the only female there.
#YesAllWomen Because
before I switched gyms, I wouldn't go without a guy to come work out
with me as a “workout partner” - but it was just so I'd have a
free pass to the good weights and a protector from all the other guys there.
#YesAllWomen Because
men stare at me if I act too “manly” (lifting weights and
grunting like any human would when lifting that much weight) … and also
if I dress too “girly” because the shape of my body draws their
attention, even if the only skin showing is on my neck, arms and
calves.
#YesAllWomen Because
I sell beauty products for a living and I feel like I'm bad at my job
if my skin isn't
flawless.
#YesAllWomen Because
for years I HATED the idea of being pregnant someday because it would ruin my
body and I couldn't stand the idea of not having a perfect body. I
was terrified of being ugly.
#YesAllWomen Because
when I was anorexic, I weighed myself multiple times a day and wrote
my weight on the bathroom mirror with a marker. If it went down, I
drew a smiley face. If it went up, I drew sad or angry faces.
#YesAllWomen Because
I got so obsessed with my weight that my friend had to take my scale
away from me.
#YesAllWomen Because
I only lasted a couple of weeks of trying to eat every day and not
throw up before I found the scale, weighed myself and had an
emotional break down when I saw that I'd gained ten pounds from
eating properly.
#YesAllWomen Because
I can't decide if I want girls or boys when I have kids because every
girl will have to be subject to all of this crap, and every boy will
be taught to treat girls like crap, no matter how much I try to teach
him otherwise.
#YesAllWomen Because
this list is almost three pages long, and I could keep going.
As I
thought it would be, this was difficult to get through. But there it
is, world. All the things that I had to endure because of men who
have been taught horrible things about women, or because of things
that the world has taught me about why I am not good enough as a
woman. This doesn't excuse some of the choices that I made, but it
sure explains some of them.
So
how do we go about bringing children into this world without fear
that they will be taught all of the same horrible things that we were
taught? All I can think to say on that is this:
#BeTheChange It
starts with me. It starts with you.
Thanks
for "listening."
