Love vs Fear

I have been thinking a lot about love lately.  This is not unusual for me, but it has been weighing pretty hard on me in these last couple of weeks.  I wrote this book called A Vote for Love, and basically what I am trying to say in this book is that God put love in me the second I was born and ever since then, it has been my driving force.  It is why I am so passionate about things like art, music, cooking, baking, and of course, PEOPLE!  It is why I love the little things in life and why I love bright colours.  It is why I am mature, but I will never “grow up.”  It is why, in spite of all the various echelons of hell I have had to walk through, I have never given up.  What I say beyond that is that the world needs love in a desperate way.  

The reason this has been so impressed on my heart recently is because I have broken through my social anxiety and have started to get to know more people.  In so doing, I have seen that my initial thought from my book is so very true.  In the midst of people who are professing faith in the God of love are people who run away scared at the idea of real, honest to goodness LOVE!  I find myself to be very confused as to why people are so afraid of love.  I have one friend in particular and I told him that love is worth it.  He said that, knowing some of my story and hearing me say that love is still worth it is inspiring to him.  The frustrating part is that he says this, but he is still scared out of his mind.  

People often get the wrong idea of me when it comes to my love.  They think that I have some sort of ulterior motive, when all I really want is to be free to express the love that God has placed at the very core of my being.  Is that really so much to ask?  I have been witnessing over and over again how simple compliments are taken the wrong way, how words of love are withheld for fear of giving someone the wrong idea, and how physical affection is nearly equated with sin.  It honestly sickens me, especially in a Christian setting.  Where is the LOVE people?  What on Earth is the point of being freed and redeemed by Jesus if we are not going to allow ourselves to walk in that freedom?  We all need to get over ourselves and step into love.  As it is written, 

“⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

 ¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”  -  1 John 4:7-21

You can disagree with me ALL you  want, and you can say that my love is too much, but if you profess faith in Jesus, the proof is in the pudding, and the pudding, in this case, is God’s word.  So with whom are you really in disagreement, me or God?  After all, it was not ME who came up with this love stuff.  He put it in me, so if you have an issue, take it up with the big guy!

Click HERE to read more of what I have previously written on this topic.

Thanks for “listening.”

Lasting Change

Today is the last day of the 21 day fast that I told you about.  There has been no set structure to it except for whatever restrictions people have put upon themselves and any new disciplines they have chosen to follow (ie, prayer, scripture reading, silence or all out praise and worship.)  Despite the perceived lack of structure, there has been a great moving of God in my life.  This last year has been a year of change for me.  I have started therapy, I have pressed into God, removed sin and temptation from my life (to the best of my ability) and I have completely changed my eating habits.  That is only a short list of things, but those are some BIG things! (Oh, there is also a distinct change in how much hockey I have been watching, but that is not entirely by choice.)  

These things are bigger than they may seem.  When we look at something from a distance it does not seem very big until we are right in front of it, right inside of it.  When I got rid of wheat from my diet I had days where I was so proud of myself for having “made it” with this change.  Then the next day I would crave bread and I would almost be in tears with the thought of never tasting freshly made bread again.  (Sad, but true.)  It is so very true that you don’t really know what you’ve got until it is gone.  Seriously, have you considered all the things that I no longer eat? Goldfish crackers, croissants, pie, cake, soda crackers, bagels, bread, cookies, triscuits, biscuits, scones, graham crackers, donuts, cream puffs, and the list goes on.  If you add that onto my list of things that I have changed then the list gets much longer, you see.  This is not even including the fact that I am vegan (no meat, no eggs, and no animal milk.) 

The question is then raised, why would anyone in their right mind choose to do something like this?  All of those things just Taste So Good!  Yes, I know they taste good, but when it all comes down to it, food is fuel, and what we put in our bodies is directly proportionate to what our bodies become.  Since changing my eating habits (I hate when people say that I am on a diet) I have lost 20 pounds and I have noticed such benefits as healthier hair, better complexion, stronger nails, more efficient digestion, higher energy levels and not getting sick nearly as often or as severely.   These benefits far outweigh the fleeting pleasure that comes from eating tasty food.

The other things on that list are that I started therapy and that I have been pressing into God more/removing negative things from my life.  I feel like the pressing into God part is directly related to the removal of bad things, as well as the fact that I am actually in therapy.  The reason I am in therapy is because I have some very deep seeded issues that, when I even think about thinking about them, bring on all sorts of deep, dark feelings.  I have survived through various forms of hell on earth (that sounds drastic, but any evil we must endure is from hell, so I don’t see it as an over embellishment.) and going back to those memories feels like I am willingly bringing evil back into my life.  Because of this, I have done a lot of “stuffing” my feelings, as they say in therapy.  The direct result of that is that I do not have to deal with the feelings when they come up.  I am then “free” to go about my life as I please, which, in this case, is as a generally happy person who sees the good in just about everything.  The indirect result is that I am now in therapy over ten years later, putting my life on hold to deal with these things so that I can move on as a more complete person.

What I want to talk about here is lasting change.  We can make all the changes we want our lives, but how often do those changes stick?  I have heard of people who “used to be vegetarian” but they are not anymore.  I wonder what made them change their minds.   If I was looking at myself, I know it would be because of my attitude.  If I just gave up the first time I was tempted and slipped, then I would never make a lasting change in my life.  Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is that idea of being easier on myself when it comes to the areas of my life where I feel like I should be hard on myself.  Those things that I “should” be or do.  If I allow them to, they consume me.  I strive after them so hard that when I fall on my face I can barely look at myself in the mirror without being overwhelmed with how much I suck.  These things can be little things like eating something that doesn’t fall into my wheat-free, vegan lifestyle, or big things like sin.  I have noticed a drastic change in the last few weeks about how I view myself.  This fast may seem, on the outside, to only have been about cutting things out of my life etc, but it is so much more than that.  It has been about pressing into God.  What I have been asking God is how He sees me.  No, that is what He has been telling me.  There have been different little things that, had I not been focussing on God, I may not have even noticed.  Truths that I have spoken to other people, words that I have heard in a song, or something that a friend has told me in honesty.  

There was a girl that I met a few weeks ago who said that she had just recently become a Christian and she felt bad because of all the times when she failed at being a good Christian.  I didn’t even know her, but I just saw this image of how God saw her.  I told her that she needed to stop fretting over all the times when she fell because the way God sees it is that He had been watching her wandering around for her whole life until now, not acknowledging Him at all and now she was looking at Him.  Her face was turned up to Him and He was so delighted in that.  He had been waiting patiently for her to turn her face to Him, so much so that when she did, all He saw was the beauty in her face.  She had been washed clean by the blood of Jesus and all of the stains and dirt that she saw on herself, God didn’t even see them.  He just saw her beautiful eyes looking up at Him. Finally.  

Our God is patient, people.  We need to start seeing ourselves as HE sees us.  If you are a Christian, then this means many things about you.  You are forgiven.  You are accepted.  You are a child of the most high God.  You are redeemed.  You have been chosen.  You are so loved.  You are a precious jewel.  You are a new creation.  You have been adopted.  You have been set free.  

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed! John 8:36

I feel like there are a few key elements when it comes to making lasting changes in our lives.  First off, make good changes, not bad ones.  That should be obvious.  Second off, make changes for the right reasons.  Third, make sure you have the right attitude about things.  Fourth, declare the truth of God throughout.  

I have already declared some truths of God over you, but allow me to share one last thing about attitude.  When I was at Bible study this week one of the girls said that the way that she makes lasting change in her life is to be thankful.  She then said that even when she is not thankful she starts listing things for which she is thankful.  In doing this, her attitude changed.  I was completely inspired by this.  A year ago I would have thought that this was a load of dung, but having gone through cognitive behavioural therapy and seen that it works, I believe this now.  She said that someone inspired her to write out a list of 1000 for which she is thankful.  At first I was like, “Wow that is a lot.” Then I thought about how God blesses us so lavishly and when we stop to think about these things, eventually 1000 will be too small of a number.  It made me think of what has been a very popular song in Christian circles these last few months.  It talks about blessing God and it says later in the song, “For all your goodness I will keep on singing, ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.”  I was inspired by this in combination of what my friend said she is doing.  I have started to write down a list of things for which I am thankful.  I currently have 200 things on this list and I just started it a day and a half ago.  

  

Number 194 on my list is “I am thankful for everyone who reads my blog.” 

...preceded by, 193 “I am thankful that the doctors finally found out what is wrong with my mom’s heart.” 

...and followed by 195 “I am thankful for lint rollers.”

Thanks for “listening.”

Breaking the Cycle

Well, I have been awake for the majority of the last 48 hours.  I have been working a lot and have not had much time for sleep.  I have, however, had time to think, even though my ability to form clear thoughts becomes increasingly dismal the more sleep deprived I become.  I must break this cycle.  I must replace the restlessness of my body and mind with a solid night of uninterrupted sleep. 

This is exactly what I have been thinking about in the last day or so: breaking the cycle. Here are some example of the “cycles” to which I am referring:

Parents treating their kids negatively or withholding love because that is how their parents were with them; the social anxiety and other symptoms that I have because of my abuse; the sinful ways in which we choose to live because we are fallen people.

These are all examples of negative outcomes due to various predispositions.  Psychologically speaking, we would be considered to be predisposed to certain things due to experiences of our past. We all have a built in predisposition to sin. Does that mean we should use that as an excuse to make no effort to avoid sin? No. My brother and I were born into a family without a lot of money. Does that mean that we should use that as an excuse for a lack of success? Not at all. I was abused as a teenager. Does this mean that I should use this as an excuse to be depressed and down on myself and even live my life as a promiscuous, damaged woman? Of course not. My mom was not told "I love you" often, if ever by her own mother. Does this mean that she should use that as an excuse to not express her love and emotions about me and my brother? No. My Dad's father was a rather harsh man. Does this mean that my Dad has an excuse to be harsh with me and my brother, or to accidentally hurt my feelings because he didn't stop to think about how his words could hurt me? Again, no.

I know these things are not easy things to talk about, but that is kind of my point. Sure these past experiences may be valid explanations for current behavioural patterns, but they do NOT in any way excuse them.  The only way to stop these things is to stop making excuses for ourselves and stand up for what we believe to be right and true. I am not saying these things to call down judgment in anyone. Notice how I myself have made excuses for my own behaviour. I am not just "pointing the finger" at other people and declaring myself righteous - not in the slightest. It is more that I am seeing the error of my ways and I would seek to call others to examine themselves also. The only way to make a change in these areas is to break the cycle. If I don't want to be lonely anymore because of my social anxiety, I need to deal with my issues and put myself out there. If my parents can admit that they were negatively impacted by how their own parents treated them, then maybe they should seek to break that cycle and try new things.

Breaking a cycle often requires a lot of challenge. We have to continuously step outside of our comfort zone until the area outside our comfort zone - the goal area - becomes the norm, becomes our new comfort zone. I will have you know, I am not just talking the talk, here.  Beyond just my social anxiety, I used to have a major phobia of guns.  I still do not like guns, or most weapons in general, to be honest, but I am no longer terrified of them.  When I was being abused, my abuser once held a gun to my head.  This is a perfect excuse to never use a gun, and to always be terrified of guns for the rest of my life.  I lived by this for years, but then I decided that rather than living in fear, I was going to conquer my fear.  I talked to my friend who had his firearms license and he brought me to the range and taught me how to shoot 13 different guns.  By the end of the day I was no longer afraid.  I conquered fear.  Let me just say this, if I can conquer my fear of guns, I can do whatever I put my mind to, and so can you!

Based on that idea of being challenged, here is what I ask of my parents:

Mom, I need you to tell me specifically why you love me. I don't want to feel skeptical when I say that I miss you and you say that you miss me too. I need you to wear your heart on your sleeve for me so that the words of deep, genuine love for which I have longed, I will not only hear but receive with full belief and confidence. I need to hear it repeatedly, and maybe if you repeatedly tell me it will be a bit easier for you each time.

Dad, I would simply ask that you tread carefully around my emotions. Don't point out the negative qualities of my appearance - I am aware of them, and of all the people in the world, you are the one whose approval I seek in regards to my beauty. I want you to be able to see past my physical flaws so that someday I will be able to believe that a man will be able to love me enough that he can also look past my flaws and see me as beautiful enough to make me his wife. Tell me I am beautiful even if it is not true. When I show up with messy hair and no makeup, or dressed like a tomboy in a hat and skate shoes, please treat me like a lady no matter how I look. My outward appearance does not reflect my inner need to be seen as pretty and feminine. This need is constant for me, so I do not want to be teased or called names even if it is just a joke. I have had enough of that from other people when I was a kid and a teenager to last a life time. I need you to be my safe person - my rock.

For both Mom and Dad, I would ask only one more thing of you both and that is that you would forgive yourselves. For not being as attentive as I needed when I was little. For what happened with my abuse. First of all, you were young and stressed. Second of all, what happened to me is all in the past and it is not your fault that any of it happened.

The trick to breaking the cycle is to let go. I have let go of the past. The reason I bring it up at all is because I recognize that it happened and I need to understand it in order to be able to fully let go.  I want to be able to see what areas need to be worked on and to be aware of any weaknesses.  I love you both and I KNOW that you both love me as well. I say these things because I feel it will help if you are aware of how I best receive love so that you do not have to feel like it is some big guessing game. I am not saying any of this to hurt or condemn you whether directly or indirectly.

For everyone else, I know that may have been a bit too personal for you, but it was my choice to share. I am hoping that by being completely transparent it will help you to look at your own lives and start to recognize the patterns of things you don't like. The first step to breaking a cycle is to admit that there is a cycle that needs to be broken.  I believe the key to problem solving on an interpersonal level is to speak the truth in love.

If you have strong feelings to share about someone, I encourage you to write them down and to analyze the situation. Why is it that this person said or did this thing? As much as the reasons are not excuses, they are explanations. As humans, even when we are past the toddler years, we have the innate need to know the answer to the question "why?" So ask yourself the question - why might this person be the way they are? What things might they have experienced that cause them to act as they do? I find that knowing the explanation adds the element of humanity and it helps us to process negative events with some level compassion for the one who did the hurting. Even if we are the ones hurting ourselves, it helps us to deal with ourselves with more compassion because we recognize that we are only human. Hurt breeds hurt, but only if we allow it to do so.

Here is one thing I will encourage you to do. If you choose to confront someone - or yourself - do not do so without first having forgiven that person. If you forgive them first, then the ball is in their court for the next move. They may not hit the ball back to you at all, which would make forgiveness that much more difficult. If the forgiveness has already been worked through then it will not ruin you if the desired result is not achieved. It allows forgiveness to take place regardless of any action taken or not taken by the offender. 

This is especially pertinent in regards to forgiving ourselves. We have to allow room for our own humanity. Making a big change like putting myself out there and facing my social anxiety is not an easy thing. I fail at it a lot. I get still anxious more than I would like, and I find myself thinking way too much about how others see me and then I get insecure. This is where I need to cut myself some slack and also give myself credit for the progress I have made and not focus solely on the times I have slipped up.

That being said, I would like to address my parents again:

Dad, I know how hard it was for you growing up with your Dad. I get that. I would also like to point out that there have been times when you have made me feel like the princess that I want to be in your eyes. When you are supportive of me like that, I want that feeling to never go away. 

Mom, I know how hard it must have been, even if only subconsciously, to not have heard words of love from your mother. You do tell me that you love me and for that, I thank you very much. Sometimes, though, I can hear the pain and restraint in your voice and I can see it in your eyes when you say it. I hate to think that when you say that you love me it reminds you of how you wish your mom had said that to you more. I love you, mom. I don't want you to be afraid of showing your emotions around me. Your tears are not shameful and your emotions are worth hearing about.

As for all of the rest of you, please forgive me for the random bouncing back and forth that I have done in this post. As the name of this blog suggests, I have a restless mind. This just happens to be what has been on it today.

As always, 

Thanks for "listening."

Filling the Void

Just so you guys know, there are 47 days until Christmas.  I have always loved Christmas very much.  Another thing I have always loved is the city of Vancouver at night.  The lights of the city reflecting on the water bring a new light into the core of my very being.  Perhaps it is because I was born and raised there.  It always feels like home to me, no matter where I happen to hang my hat.  Everyone wants to go home for Christmas, right?  I think the saying “Home is where you hang your hat” is not nearly so true as “Home is where the heart is.”  

On that note, there is another “place” which I consider to be home and that is wherever I am that happens to be in the presence of God’s people.  This community is what brings me true life and every time I am away from it, I feel homesick.  My church is in the midst of a three week fast and I feel like God is moving swiftly among us in response to our fasting and prayer.  He is moving.  Things are happening.

According to the five year old daughter of my pastor, the reason we fast is “to remove the things that we love more than God.”  Out of the mouths of babes, right?  Goodness, I love it when young children just GET it!  What I have been thinking of this week, though, tells me that the idea of fasting goes beyond just removing things from our lives.  We don’t stop eating food or checking facebook just because.  We do it so that we can focus on God more.  The question is, if we do not add any discipline to our lives, how then do we expect that this new found free time will suddenly be filled up with us focusing on God?  The answer is: it doesn’t.   We need to be purposeful about how we spend our time, whether we are fasting or not.  We need to fill the void.

I know this sounds entirely cliché, but every moment that we are given and every breath we take is a gift.  I believe that we were put on this Earth with one supreme purpose – to serve and praise our supreme God!  He gave us life and we owe every second of it back to Him.  Unfortunately, we do need to also be productive members of society, so we have obligations to such things as family and work etc.  But we tend to take out obligations too seriously, to the point where God is put on the back burner, or he is taken off the stove entirely, if you want to put it that way.  According to the Bible, we are very finite creatures.  It is only in our own minds that the span of our lives is so very long.  In comparison with eternity, we are hardly even a blip on the proverbial radar.  Take this scripture for example:

“Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵ Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”” -  James 4:13-15

To think about our own mortality is slightly morbid, I know, but that is not the entire point of this verse.  It is meant to snap our heads into focus so that we don’t waste what time we do have left.  We could die tomorrow, or in 50 years.  Even still, we should not waste our time.  We are to be good stewards of our time as much as of our possessions. 

So what are the disciplines that we should put in place of these things which waste our time?  Again, with the clichés, but we should pray and read scripture.  This is something I have been wanting to address for a few days now, but I have not been sure how to incorporate it.  Here it is: For those of us who have been raised in a Christian atmosphere, we run the risk of thinking of certain portions of scripture, and even certain practices as being cliché.  The truth of the matter is, these things which are the foundation of our faith are not cliché.  They stand the tests of time, and they do so because they are of lasting value.  Two verses come to mind in this regard: 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your paths straight”

Proverbs 3:5-6

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”  - Matthew 6:33

In everything that we do, we are told we need to lean on God rather than ourselves (as hard as that may be,) we are to TRUST in Him and we are to acknowledge Him and beyond that, we are to seek His kingdom and His righteousness.  

When I think of leaning on God, I think of Him being sufficient enough for my emotions, to the point where I do not need to run to substances, people or things (any sort of vice or crutch) in order to either fulfill my emotional needs or to quell my emotions altogether.  God WANTS us to have emotions, and He wants us to come to Him with them.  I am reminded of a vivid memory of myself a few days after I had lost two people very close to me within 24 hours of each other.  I was at work on my break and as I sat outside the work van on the pavement, I started crying, and I literally felt God wrap His arms around me and hold me close.  I had never felt so loved by God in my life, and in the moment, I leaned entirely on Him.  There are other areas of my life in which I have recently been challenged to lean on God rather than on myself or on other people.  The main one is in my romantic life, or rather, my lack of a romantic life.  I have always, since I was a little girl, wanted to get married and have children.  This desire has never left me, and I don’t suspect it ever will.  In this area I must often check myself to ensure that the desires of my heart are not for things of Earthly value more so than they are for God Himself.  The words of two different songs come to mind when I think of the role that plays in my life in this area: “Jesus, lover of my soul.  Jesus, I will never let you go.  You’ve taken me from the miry clay.  You set me feet upon a rock and now I know, that I love you.  I need you.  Though my world my fall, I’ll never let you go.” AND “All of you is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need.  You satisfy me, and all I have in you is more than enough!”  Jesus is the lover of our souls, at least He wants to be.  He wants to be enough in our eyes, and when we let Him, He always come through and proves His worth.

Trusting God is a whole other matter, now isn’t it?  It is easy enough to lean on God as our all sufficient source when we are drained and have nothing left to give.  But what about when we are at our best and we think that our own knowledge is ultimately what is going to get us through?  It says here that we are not supposed to rely on our own ways of understand things.  That means that no matter how many degrees we have under our belts, no matter what experience we can boast, or what lofty language we spew out, we are still nothing in comparison to the omniscience, or "all-knowing-ness" of God.  He is in all and He is above all.  That being said, He knows when even our most well laid out plans are going to fail, and when out of the blue things will seemingly miraculously line up for us with little to no effort.  (Hint – it IS a miracle, and God was behind it!  Sometimes miracles happen when we don’t even ask for them.  In fact, most of the miracles of our lives go unnoticed as they are done behind the scenes, by angels who are preventing bad things, or putting certain good things in our paths.)

When it all comes down to it, as mentioned before, every moment of this life if a gift from God, so we ought to acknowledge Him in every moment that we are given, no matter what we are doing.  Whether we are in class, at work, at home with our families, out running errands or enjoying some leisure time.  It really makes one evaluate the statement “in all your ways acknowledge Him.”  It begs the question, “What exactly are my ways?”  Are my ways pleasing to God? If I am doing things that are selfish, can I really acknowledge God in that, or do I need to put such things aside in order to be able to acknowledge Him?

Lastly, we are to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness.  It is often debated what is meant by “the Kingdom of God.”  Some say that the Kingdom of God (or the Kingdom of Heaven) is what all believers will experience in the afterlife.  Some believe that it is God at work in our lives here and now.  I am more inclined to lean toward the second viewpoint, but I do believe that it means both.  See, in God’s eyes, times is of no relevance, so to Him, “eternity” in Heaven is already started and so it is essentially the same time as what we are experiencing here on Earth right now.  Time means nothing to God.  The relevance of this is that when Jesus left His spirit to stay here with us, His Kingdom here on Earth was initiated.  His Holy Spirit is at work in the hearts and lives of people all around the world, bringing people back into relationship with God the Father.  Since we, as Christians, have the Holy Spirit living in us, we too have the opportunity to take part in God’s Kingdom here on Earth.  We can join in with the Holy Spirit in attempt to bring restoration to humanity.  I do not mean that salvation can come to anyone through a mere human being.  I do mean that we are God’s instruments, and if we allow Him to, He can use us to do His work.  The work of His Kingdom and of His righteousness.  I believe that to seek these things means to seek to know them and then to make them a part of our own lives.  That, of course, is another story for another day, but perhaps you can start to look into it for yourselves.  Open up your Bible and start reading in the first four books of the New Testament.  Jesus talks often in parables about what the Kingdom of Heaven is like.  If we study these things, and know them, we will be far better at helping further God’s Kingdom here on Earth.

I know this has been a long one, but it has been a few days since I posted and all of this has just been percolating inside my head!

Thanks for “listening.”