I have a few things on my mind right
now, and as I think more about them collectively, I realize that they
have one thing in common, and that is my Christian faith.
The
first thing is the Canadian Federal Election. I won't get into any
details on the drama behind it, who I voted for, or any of that. I
will tell you what I was thinking about as I decided who to vote for:
It Doesn't Matter! In my heart of hearts, I know that bad things are
going to befall us as a human race before the end of time. Whether
that be in my lifetime or another, is not for me to know, nor is it
something about which I choose to worry. Worry is absolutely
wasteful. I choose to live my life as if God is in control of the
ultimate outcome, because I believe this to be true. Whether that
outcome be that I get to live a peaceful existence or one filled with
strife is besides the point, because I firmly believe that my tiny
little life is just one piece of the puzzle that is the history of
mankind.
Moving on.
The next thing is my work. I have
recently been told that my work situation is going to change. Soon.
I will be getting less hours at work, and it has little to do with my
performance and everything to do with politics. To put it plainly,
this sucks. I am not mad about it. Rather, I am just sad. I have
been slowly coming back from a head injury that I sustained just over
three years ago that has left me with some, let's call them lingering
symptoms. That's putting it nicely, though. I struggled through a
year of work after my injury, wherein I was single and had to support
myself, thus I kept working when I should have been home resting.
After my body could not handle working anymore, I was off work for
over two years. I have only started volunteering a few months ago.
The one volunteer position led to a paid position which I have grown
to love. I love the people. I love the responsibility. I love the
challenge. I love working again, finally. I love feeling like I am
legitimately contributing to the life that my husband and I are
building together. And now, it is being taken away from me. It
hurts. You may be wondering how this has to do with my faith. The
answer is that I am relying on God to get me through this
emotionally. I am relying on him to help me live and act graciously
toward others when I am upset, rather than lashing out, or clamming
up. It's a big deal for me, being able to appropriately deal with my
emotions. I used to go for a run or go to the gym and lift a LOT of
weight to “deal” with my emotions. Now, if I do that my head
hurts. Being unable to physically work through my emotions has
forced me to grow up and learn to just sit with them, get to know
them, and figure them out rather than being afraid of them.
Lastly, I have been told multiple times this month that I
should not spend my money or my time helping other people. I think
it is fine that someone might think that I am going to wear myself
thin, but I assure you, I am not. You know how they say that the way
you can tell if you are an introvert or an extrovert is whether you
feel drained or energized after being around a bunch of people?
Well, I am a functional introvert. I have learned to live with the
fact that I will have to deal with people in this life. It is
unavoidable. They're everywhere. So, I take my quiet time before I
have to be around people, I see people, then I take even more quiet
time after. I make it work. But you see, us introverts, we are not
just people who walk around this world feeling drained by everything
and everyone. It's not like that. I am actually a very passionate
person. Oddly enough, as an introvert, I am still passionate about
people. I just prefer them in smaller settings. What I'm trying to
say is that iving of my time to help others, and taking a portion of
my money and throwing it into things like It Takes A Village or the
Youth Clinic or the Food Bank, those things are what give me energy,
life and joy. People can tell me to stop all the want, but I'm not
going to listen.
Thanks for “listening”
